Tantrums

We were living in a HUGE house. Shiny wooden floors, big, spacious rooms, wide staircases, walk-in closets, and long hallways. 

I was in one of the bedrooms, I think I was either napping or watching TV then falling asleep. Beside my bed is another bed. It was somebody else’s bedroom, but it was still our home. I think it was a spare bedroom for visiting relatives. At the far end of the room is another bed, and on it slept this tall curly-haired perfect-looking pretty girl. Across the bed where I was on was the door going to the bathroom. 

After a while, a guy I used date whom we shall call Mr. Crow came in. He said he wanted to take a nap and went beside me. In my head I was thinking that after all this time we have never kissed, at all. And then suddenly we kissed, very briefly. As we did so, I was thinking, isn’t it supposed to feel like something? Why don’t I feel anything at all? Then I decided it must be due to the fact that I’ve totally gone over him ages ago. So I said that must be it. I think he felt it and turned away, then gently tapped my chin or my lips with his finger and said something like I’m starting to kill with my tongue or with my words or something, but I don’t fully remember. Then he got up and said he had to go to the bathroom. Around the same time, the pretty girl woke up and was about to go to the bathroom as well. Mr. Crow went in, then asked her to come in as well, and she giggled and went in, and then he slammed the door. I could hear her laughing inside, and then I stormed out of the room. I was surprised to find myself feeling crushed and devastated. I decided to leave the house and shop and not come back for a long time. 

I stepped out, and realized I was in my jimjams, so I went back in. I went up the stairs, to my parents’ bedroom. Apparently they were not at home, doing rich-people stuff. I went to my mom’s closet or dresser and took out a spare wallet or purse and took her extra credit card. It was owned by both of them but I think it was named to one of them. I took it and changed into more proper clothes, and started going out. However, I suddenly had the feeling that I shouldn’t be caught by my parents that I’m running away, because it will fail to scare them. It was like briefly, it was them I was feeling hurt about instead of Mr. Crow. So I went back up and decided I should bring more stuff than just the credit card. 

So I sneaked back downstairs and the staircase became the one we had in our old home. I whispered to our helper to get me my wallet and my bag which is in the living room, then I mentioned I also needed a towel or a bathrobe, but I need my wallet and my bag first. Later on she came up and gave me a bathrobe or towel, and then I said she should just get me my bag and wallet, and to hurry. She finally gave them to me and I went back inside my parents’ room, which has now turned into the old bedroom in our old home. I was frantically stufifng things into my bag so I could leave. 

Then I heard the helper coming up, and she said someone came to see me. She said it was my sister, and that she assumed it’s okay if my sister found out about my plans, because I can tell her about them. But it was Pancakes (a charming girl friend I used to have, who turned out to be loony and so we’re not friends anymore) but she was my sister at the same time. I told her I was broken hearted or something and had to run away. But then my sister was also there suddenly and she was asking Pancakes how she is, and I could see that Pancakes was lying through her teeth about something (she does that on a regular basis). So anyway it was time for me to leave, and I sneaked out through the front gate, and I noticed that everything is its filthy rich environment again and the gate was so huge it was like the gates of some heaven. However, suddenly, my sister is joining me and she has invited our “samurai” friends so we can all go out of town and I can rant all I want and they can comfort me. When I stepped out into the wet (it had been raining) and wide and empty street, there were three silvery Porsche-like cars waiting, and I crouched behind them in case my parents arrived. The most convenient car to get into belonged to Toshirou, so I climbed in, and realized I was close to tears because I was reminded of my experience. 

My sister and rode in another car, I think she was with her boyfriend, and then other friends were in the other car. As we drove forward, Toshirou asked me what happened and told me to tell him everything because it was going to be a long ride. As it turns out, we were going to his rest house somewhere in the south. 

We stopped over at a coffee shop which he apparently owns. We decided to wait there because the other 2 cars were left behind. As the car slowed down, a woman was suddenly with us, and she was this annoying dense person who just decided to tag along and she kept talking to Toshirou, totally oblivious of the reason why we all went out of town and what Toshirou wanted me to talk about. I was patient and let her butt in because I was too tired to argue.

Inside the coffee shop, Toshirou sat across me and told me to continue with my story. However, the girl suddenly sat beside him and started talking to him. We let her be and then when she stopped, Toshirou asked me to continue. However. she tried getting his attention again because she didn’t like it when Toshirou ignored her. Finally, Toshirou shushed her because he was getting impatient and wanted to hear my story. The girl wouldn’t stop and tugged at his sleeve. Then I got so annoyed and stood up and banged on the table with my hands and stepped out. Toshirou ran after me and said I shouldnt be upset, and he knows she’s really annoying. The girl followed us and was watching if the show has been stolen from her. I think Toshirou asked her to leave us or get back inside because she just became insignificant. Toshirou was telling me he owns the place anyway so he can tell the people not to let her in or something. 

When my mood got better, we stayed outside, sitting by the door. I noticed a black dog nearby, and Toshirou started playing with him by pushing the door a little, hence pushing the dog who’s on the other side of it. He laughed a little then picked on something small and black from the dog’s face. It was dried skin coming off from the dog’s recovering wound. Then he gave it to the dog and told me to watch its reaction. The dog licked the small black skin, then realized it was his own, coming from his own wound, and then he began to wail, so loudly that my skin crawled. Apparently, it was a very bad thing for dogs to lick their own skin / scab because it was just as bad as a person eating his own intestines or something. I don’t remember much but it was like an abomination in dog-culture or something. I slightly reproached Toshirou and asked him never to do it again. 

Later on we stood by the side of the road, still in front of the cafe, and waited for the others. I asked him about me storming out of the cafe, and if I did any damage and he said I shouldn’t worry because he took care of everything. I asked if what he did is really allowed, and he said it’s something he does as extra service for friends he cares for. Then I hugged him and said he’s so nice and sweet, and I felt like he was almost my brother. He didn’t hug back and was a little embarassed because it turns out the people from the cafe were watching us. I felt their eyes on my back.

A Very Long Hug

So there was some kind of company Christmas party, and different groups had special numbers. Oddly though, in the party, I saw people from other previous jobs too - a mix and match of people from all my other jobs, and the “current” company was my most recent one before my current one. And then the special numbers were not grouped by department. They were grouped by age - meaning, the youngest one involved kids, as in my niece was there, and I realized that some relatives of mine were also part of the party. Initially, I had to settle an issue between two guys, one of them was bullying the other. Later on, this guy we shall call Mr. Template (the ultimate template of all wanted men - handsome, filthy rich, smart, everything else a template ideal man should have) arrived, and he gave me a big hug. In reality, he is part of the last company I was part of, so it seemed normal he was there to watch the program. Just as the program was about begin, he found this huge cushioned chair and sat on it, and he asked me to sit with him - I sat on the same chair, between his knees, and then he leaned back with his (very) strong arms around me, so I had to lean back too and rest my head on his (superman) chest. (Lol) So the program was long, but it seemed to just fleet by, because all I could think of was great it felt (Lol) After a while I fell asleep because the show got boring, and I remember putting my hand on his arm which was still around me, and he too fell asleep. After a while, he was called to give an award or announce something so he stood up, so I had to stand up too. By then, I felt it was “too much” if I waited for him and continued to hang out with him, so I went to find some groups of people in my work level. Then I found this group of girls and they were asking me about how it felt being hugged by everyone’s desire (in reality, I don’t really fancy him because I am not into pretty boys or gorgeous template men) and I said I had to admit that it felt really nice. By that time, I was already getting over it and knew it was a fleeting moment, nothing to get hung up about. Suddenly, one of the girls said that I should feel much more elated than I look because they said they read my blog entry from the previous year when, when Mr. Teplate arrived at the party, he looked for me and kissed me in public, and I wrote about it. They said they knew I must have felt something more than what I show because I blogged about the kiss and the hug that night was pretty long. Upon remembering about the previous year’s kiss, I stopped and realized this must be something he might do every year, so I thought it strange to have that kind of “Christmas habit”. Before I could think further, I woke up to the reality of no one hugging me. Lol. The hug felt super super super real though. Haha. Who would have THUNK. Mr. Template of all people. A dream indeed.

Fragments

In Bacolod, with friends from the club. (I realize that this is my second remembered dream involving Bacolod. The first one was about the possibility of moving there with my then-boyfriend.)

• We were all having lunch. I remember seeing rice in front of me. I was at the head of the table, and on my right was Mr. Perfect Skin. I was trying to talk to him or catch his attention but he always turned away. Apparently, there was some things and plans in his mind about us which he didn’t want to talk about yet until it was all final. Throughout the dream he wore a yellow shirt.
  
• The girl with us, whom we will call Ururu-chan, came and sat beside me. She said we will order another type of food, and we will have the same one, because we were best friends. She was younger in the dream than she is in real life. She was more child-like and carefree. Later on, we started eating, and her attention drifted to a nearby store. She said we should go there. As we waited outside the store (people had to take turns because there were rituals held inside for each customer), I sat on a bench. I looked at the table where all our friends were eating, and Mr. Perfect Skin was still turning away. Then Ururu-chan, kissed me on the face twice and hugged me and said I’m her favorite person and she really likes me to be her friend. I just tapped her arm to show her I’m glad to be her friend too. Inside the store were many Buddha figurines. Then she sat us down by a nearby low table, so we had to be in seiza to do the ritual. We sat across each other and she laid out a square piece of ceramic and she put 4 or 5 pieces of rubbery material in them. She then covered it with a hollow figure of a Buddha-like being with a small hole on top of its head. Then she said to me, don’t be afraid, for now you will see my magic. Then she tapped the figure and from the hole, squeezed out a balloon in the image of a dog. It’s like those things you see being sold by churches where smaller pieces of balloons are tied together to form an image. This one is a dog.
  
• My parents were looking at a house for sale. It was nighttime. Ururu-chan was still with me. Then I said, hey, we never paid for our food. And that’s the only time we remembered that we never actually finished lunch. Then she said, the person selling this house also runs the restaurant so we can pay her then. We went inside the house. 
• Inside the house, there was some kind of serious, grown-up gathering, and I was bored to my skull. Ururu-chan has rejoined the group, and they were somewhere outside. I was stuck in the house beecause I had to attend to something. Then a couple with a baby turned to me and asked me to look after their child for a while. I held the very tiny baby and I was a bit afraid that I might break its neck unintentionally. When I was already holding it, the parents stepped out. The mom carried a bright purple shiny bag. The dad went someplace else. After what seemed to be a long time, I got agitated because I was thinking it was nighttime and I hardly spent time with Mr. Perfect Skin. Frantically, I looked for the mom of the baby.I asked my mom and she said they stepped out and that I should keep quiet because it was a serious gathering. I stepped out and saw my dad, and I said, where’s the mom of this child? And he pointed to the women a few feet away, and he said she was making a phonecall. I was slightly annoyed because she was really just chatting over the phone and it was nothing urgent. The dad was nowhere to be found. Then the mom held out her hand, asking for a few more minutes. I got so impatient and asked my dad where my sister is. He said she’s over some other part of the garden with the group (it was a HUGE garden). As I walked, I came by another area in the garden where a friend (Raz) was, and he was supposed to be the next person to the parents who should be taking care of the baby. At the same time, I saw where the group was, because I saw Mr. Perfect Skin’s yellow shirt. I hurriedly handed over the baby to Raz and was hoping Mr. Perfect Skin saw it so he would think that I look great with a baby in my arms. 

White, Kisses