Utsu. London.

So I was in some kind of mall with my sister. It was day time and it was bright outside. As we walked, we passed a small coffee place similar to Cafe Xocolat or Fiorgelato. Actually it seemed like a coffee place to me but it was of a pastry store which offers coffee. The theme of the store was mostly dark brown, then I noticed that it has a sign hanging by a post. The sign was like those old signs you see in England, the thick, heavy, wooden signs with sort of gilded frames. And the name of the pastry store said “Utsu” and below that it said “London”. I think I went closer to the glass to look at the cakes and pastries. 

Later on we continued walking. I think we were about to leave the mall. We turned to the right and I saw the exit, and how bright it was outside. But then I noticed that there were some people, thin, pale people walking on the sidewalk right outside the mall. I remember looking at one girl in particular, her fiery reddish golden hair swept away from her face and stiffly falling on her back. She seemed to have bright contrasting makeup like bright blue eye shadow and smudged red lipstick. Her face was somewhat frowning, though it was more like her face was really like that, not because she was sad. And like the other people she was with, they were all thin and pale and naked. But then again, the weird part was, from the middle of their chests, down to their belly button, they had like a slit through them, so they were very much like button holes. They’re not bleeding or anything. And then the edges of their “button holes” were smeared with blue paint or makeup, similar to the eye shadow I noticed on the girl. It was so weird but I found the colors beautiful. As they walked, you would occasionally catch a glimpse of the other side of the street THROUGH their “button holes” because they would open a little when they moved to walk. 

For some reason, my sister suddenly turned right again, up to the escalator, instead of stepping out to the sidewalk. Very vaguely it occured to me that she might not want to run into any of those pale button-hole people. As I stepped up the escalator to follow her, it slowly started sinking in that they MIGHT be scary because no normal person is supposed to be walking around alive like that. Just as the horror started to sink in, and just as I noticed there were more of them coming and entering the malls, I looked away and then I woke up. 

I know that “utsu” is a Japanese word so when I woke up I checked and found that it’s a verb which meant strike or impress, or fire, as in a gun. I’ve no idea what that is all about. And why it is paired with London. 

Trapped

I found myself in my room, being hugged by this guy in a pink long sleeved shirt. He was the last boss I had in my previous job. So we stood and he was hugging me, and then I saw my mom pass by the open door of my room, and she gave us dagger looks. I just ignored her as I thought, “why is this guy here? am I really allowing this to happen? even if my mom gets mad she can’t stay mad at him forever.”

Later on he started whispering to me. I can’t remember his exact words but I know they were promises. I just listened quietly. Then, I realized that his exact words were the very exact words promised to me by someone I used to be with. However, this guy has left me and the promises were not fulfilled. For a while I struggled and I think I fought back and said I have heard those promises before but they won’t come true because he would leave just like the other guy did. Then I think my overthinking ruled over and the dream faded.