A Big Russian Woman, A Dead Child, and a Beautiful Lady

I went into a home, where I was supposed to stay for a while, because I had to do research on the area. I was a journalist, and I had to write about that place.So I went to the house. It was a Russian family that lived in it. A big red-haired woman welcomed me. People spoke in a mixture of Russian and French and English, but I understood them all. The big woman actually looked scary, though I chose not to entertain the thoughts, or the whole thing would turn into a nightmare. I was not aware that it was all a dream, though I was conscious enough to remind myself not to let nightmare elements make their way in through the acknowledgement of my fears.

So I went inside the home, and everyone welcomed me quite warmly. Her husband was watching TV in the living room, and everyone else was enjoying a late lunch. They had me sit with them to join the meal. There was another guy and woman at the table, and two more coming from the kitchen. I cannot remember which are siblings and which were couples, but it was generally a big family with some in-laws as part of the household. There were also a number of kids, which were grandchildren of the big woman and her husband. 

We ate strange food, like oddly presented French cuisine. After that, they led me upstairs to my room. I realized that the rooms were all interconnected, and the whole layout of the second floor was totally confusing.

After what seemed like a few weeks, there were more people living in the house. More relatives have come, and they all took a liking to me. Most were couples with children. Either the husbands or the wives were children of the Russian woman, and they brought their partners with them and we all lived together. This time though, there were more Asian-looking people with us, and I felt especially at home with them. 

One day, some children fell sick, so everyone was so busy tending to the sick children. During these times, people hardly spent time for leisure, and were hardly able to spend time with me or treat me as a guest. I did not mind, because I knew they had more important things to do. Around the same time, I had to be away for a few days because I had to go to a specific spot I was supposed to write about. 

When I came back, I found out that one of the little girls had just died. I went to her room and she lay on her futon on the floor, and her room looked dark and dingy and sick, and she looked pale and exhausted from her last few moments. Her blond hair was dry and matted. Around her mouth was a dry discharge which resembled the seedy juices of Jamaican cherries. It was as though her body was trying to expel whatever was killing her inside. Everyone surrounded her bed, weeping. The cry of the big Russian woman was most audible.

After a while, someone said there has to be someone to blame for the death, and then they all turned to look at me. Then suddenly, the big Russian woman stood, angry, and started yelling at me. She said she never wants to see me again, after all the kindness that she has shown me. I tried explaining that I just returned and that I feel sad as well for the death of the child, and had nothing to do with it. However, some of them, especially her husband, were shaking their heads. I knew that they believed I was the one to blame for the child’s death. I felt the weight of their blame and their pain, and how they believed I was responsible for it.

So I just went to my room, and started packing my things. I knew I had to leave, though I was not sure where to go, since I am not familiar with the place with regard to hotels and inns. I had to live in a regular household since it was an old town and they did not have homes for transient visitors like me. As I packed my clothes and things, the thought that they will kill me to get revenge loomed over me, but I managed to stop it, for failure to do so would entail a full-blown nightmare. I was successful though, in stopping the thought of possibly being killed.

As I finished packing, I heard them being called out for dinner, and I knew I was not going to be invited. I did not worry about my hunger though, because I felt that I just had to leave the place, quickly, before their pain transformed into something monstrous directed at me. 

I went downstairs, though, because I was going to get some things I left in one of the sitting rooms, which I needed to bring with me. However, on my way to the sitting room, I ran into one of the Chinese-looking women, and she suddenly cried out and told me not to show my face to her, and that I should leave immediately the next morning. She implied that I am not to eat at their table anymore, and that she does not want to see me ever again. Then she went to the other room, crying. 

Quickly, I slipped into the sitting room, took my things, and went back upstairs. Just then, I ran into one of the men, with two other Chinese-looking women, and they were looking sadly at me. Since they did not look as though they were going to hurl hateful words at me, I immediately spoke up and said I was so sorry, but I really had nothing to do with the child’s death. The guy smiled, and he told me that he and the two other girls with him still trust me, and that they know I speak the truth. However, he explained that they cannot insist on their opinions to the others, especially their elders in the family. I looked at the other two girls, and they smiled sadly, as if to say they cannot do anything to help me to convince the rest of the family. As I walked past them, the guy gave me a pat on the book, and one of the girls looked as though she was about to cry. I felt that she was going to miss me terribly.

When I got to my room, I found a bundle of large, folded printouts of photos among my things. I realized that when I left my room to get my things downstairs, the big woman sneaked in, and left the photos for me to see. I unfolded them and saw that they were blown-up photos of the dead girl, the details of the discharge around her mouth very clear all of a sudden. The big woman left them for me in order for me to be tormented by my guilt. Since I knew I was not at fault, I just quickly folded up the photos again. I did not want to take too long looking at them, because I was starting to feel afraid of the dead child and her angry family. I cannot remember if I threw away the photos, or just stuffed them in my bag. A nightmarish feeling was starting to creep in, bu I managed to stay calm, so again, it did not take over. 

After I finished packing, I went downstairs again, planning to say goodbye properly to everyone. I could hear them in the dining room, eating together. Before I was able to enter though, out came the angry Chinese woman again, and she angrily asked me what I was doing there, and that I could only come down if I was leaving already. I replied to her that I was not going to wait for morning to come; I was leaving at that moment and was only wanting to say goodbye. When I said that, her face calmed down and said something like, “Oh. Well. Then, thank you (for leaving).” 

Later on I was out in the streets, and I “remembered” I was in some remote part of Cavite and I didn’t know how to get to the town where I can get a ride that will bring me to the closest bus station. I decided to go to a nearby bakery/store where I used to buy things when I lived in the Russian woman’s house. The bakery was run by an old woman, and assisting her was man who did various general work for her and for different people around town. I thought of going there to ask for directions, but I knew I had to sound calm and as though it was not a big deal. I did not want everyone finding out about the big family’s belief that I was to blame for the death of a small child. I did not want an entire town running after me. 

As I walked on, I ran into the guy with the two girls again. This time, they didn’t say anything anymore, and were just looking at me sadly. Then one of the girls, ran towards me and hugged me, and she cried so hard that I started crying myself. It was then that I felt so bad that the entire family has turned against me though I did not do anything wrong. I realized I have come to like everyone too. To keep myself from being too emotional, I gently pulled away from her, and started walking on. On the streets, people looked at me because I was sobbing and my face was wet with tears. I wiped my face quickly and just in time, I found the bakery and stepped inside. 

Seeing that I had been crying, the old woman invited me to sit down for tea, though I politely declined. I didn’t want to tell her what happened.I just asked for directions and simply told her I was going to meet my dad at the nearest station and I had to leave right away. I spoke slowly so as not to arouse suspicion. 

She said it is quite easy to get a ride - I just needed to go to the next town where buses pass by. I asked which bus I should take and what the name of that town is, and suddenly the guy who assists her suddenly spoke behind me and said the town’s name, which can be translated into English as “KNIFE.” I was going to make a comment that it was an unusual name for a town, but I thought better of it and stopped myself. I knew that mentioning it might just lead to me being killed by knife.

So I left the store, wondering how I was supposed to find this Knife town. I awoke a little, then just got sucked back in by the dream. I was still trying to find the Knife town, but it turns out I have walked quite far from the Russian faily’s home. It was a weird town, and the way the sun shone on it was weird too. There were several patches of small forests and abandoned mauusoleums and ruins. The roads were long and winding, and vehicles hardly passed by them. The whole place felt isolated and ghostly, though it seemed to be early in the afternoon. 

I braced myself for more walking periods, then decided I had to find a restroom to freshen up before I walked on. Just then I found an old ruined building with a restroom, and I went in. I realized then that beside that ruined building was the road, and I didn’t notice it right away since I came from a foresty part of town and there were several trees blocking the view that leads to the road. I thought about walking along the road and just taking a cab if any passes by. Just as I was thinking what steps to take next, I noticed a winding stair and a woman was slowly coming down. Her feet were bare, but they were clean and white and perfect. As she continued to descend, I noticed that her skin was so smooth and perfect, and she was wearing a thin soft cloth quickly thrown over her shoulders just so she can say she is covered. When she got down the stairs, I looked at her face and found her so beautiful, especially with her long wavy hair carelessly pinned on one side. She didn’t see me right away, until I stepped forward and said hi to her. I felt the need to talk to her because I was so awed by her beauty. She seemed mildly surprised to find me there, and then she returned to her bored expression, which she wore as she got down the winding stairs. She said hi, though somewhat distant. I apologetically asked her where she is going, and she explained in a bored tone that she finds her white clothing so much of a hassle, and she just tore them off her body, revealing that she was actually just wearing a white towel underneath it, as though she just stepped out of the bath. I asked her if he does not think it’s dangerous to walk around wearing just that, because I was worried that her beauty might invite danger to her. Then she smiled at me and said, in a resigned tone, that she is tired, and that she has done enough researching and writing about the place, so she just wants to get home.She intends to wait for a can to come along, and she believes it will be easy for her to get a ride, because she knows it pays to be that beautiful, especially when it is quite difficult to get a ride. Then, she smiled and looked at me, and spoke to me in her mind. She told me I can go with her if I wanted to, so that I can also get a ride and get to where I intend to go. I started walking towards her, totally in awe of her beauty, and as I left the shaded part of the ruins and the sun shone on my face, I squinted, and started to wake up, squinting because of the morning sun in my room. 

An Instant Daughter

A 13 or 14-year old girl whom I know turns out to have her parents go somewhere, so she had to be left to me. For some reason though, she is suddenly at 8 or 9 years old, though she looked exactly as she really does. So I had to take her home with me and get used to raising her as my own child. She has already started calling me Mommy. 

At home, I remembered that my parents and I are moving to a bigger house, so I was relieved that I would get a bigger bedroom, since I bought new pieces of furniture. I guess the new house would also be suited to us since I now have a daughter. 

Since she just transferred to a new school, I had to bring her to class and sit in with her on her first day. It was great that she seemed to do well. As I sat on my chair though, I noticed Sosuke (someone I REALLY like) sitting on one of the desks, and he was practicing writing in script on pieces of yellow pad. I looked over his shoulder and noticed how uniform his handwriting was. I saw my daughter watching me, and giving me a look that seemed to tell me she knows I like him. I gave her a look that said she should not pay attention to me and should pay attention to her lessons instead. 

After a while, a principal or a teacher came in, and told me that my daughter seems to be able to adapt to her new environment well so I might not have to sit in all day. I turned to her and whispered to her to convince Sosuke that I can “read” people’s handwritings, so that he would have a reason to come by our house. My daughter gave me a knowing smile that said, “consider it done,” and I felt that a bond has formed between us. She also seemed to say that she did not mind having Sosuke as her dad. 

As I stepped out of the classroom, I looked at her and said “Grazie!” We were going to have coffee after class so she smiled and I knew she was looking forward to drinking coffee. 

A Square Cat

I was in some kind of mall with my sister. The mall seemed to be in some kind of really huge hotel. The hotel was so big it was like a city in itself. I think there were offices within that hotel too. 

As we passed by a store or salon with glass sliding doors, I looked and I saw a really adorable black and white cat inside, sitting near the door, watching the passers by with its huge round eyes. It looked at me and I stopped, wanting to touch it. I stepped forward and the door slid open. My sister saw the cat too and commented on how cute it looked. As I approached the cat, a man spoke behind me and said it’s really friendly and he can get it for me if I want to hold it. I realize that the man behind me was the owner of the cat, and he was about to step into the store too. I think he also owned the shop. I also noticed that there was another man standing inside the store, by the door, and realized that I only thought he owned the cat, but apparently not. 

So the real owner picked up the cat, and upon closer inspection, I saw that the cat was square. Square, like, its body was a square can with rounded edges, like those tin cans that became fashionable a couple of decades ago. I hesitated on holding it because I was thinking the cat will not be soft after all. The owner seemed to read my mind and told me that the cat’s fur is still soft, at least those furry areas surrounding her square can body. 

My sister stepped forward to hold the cat first since she stood closer to the owner, and she remarked on how soft the cat was, surprisingly. She then handed over the cat to me and I held it, and it purred so much that I felt so happy because I know it was happy to be held and to be around other people. I held and hugged it, feeling how soft her non-can parts are. 

After a while I asked my sister to take photos of me with a square cat, since that was quite a rare occasion. First I took her photo as she held the cat, though I realized that the cat was starting to look normally round. I took the photo anyway. When it was my turn however, I noticed that the cat has turned completely normal as I held it. Then, before my sister could take my photo, I noticed a wall of rare artifacts nearby, where people who are supposed to be my cousins are posing for a photo op. I told my sister to take their photos too, and I just held the cat for a while as I waited. Some of my cousins started asking for more photos and I thought I might not have my photo taken anymore with the square cat that was now round. 

Later on, I was inside my hotel room, but it was not mine; I am not sure why I stayed in a different room, but I think it had to do with me hiding from something or someone. It was the day of my checkou though, so I knew that the hotel staff will be calling my local number in the other room to remind me to pack up and leave. Just at that moment, the phone rang in my other room, so I went out of my “fake” room and answered the call. As I spoke to a woman, some hotel staff came in and started cleaning the room and putting away my things. I panicked slightly because I was worried about losing my stuff. The women on the other end of the line was taking so long in computing for my bill that I told her that I will just call her back and that I need to check on my things right away. As I went to take care of my things, I felt a little regret that I did not prepare my things early on, then I woke up.

A Snake By My Bed

A Japanese World

I was entering a hotel lobby with one of my cousins; we were attending a seminar conducted by a group of Japanese about preparing Japanese food and beverages. I was wearing a somewhat frilly dress, while my cousin wore a sort of corporate suit. As we stood in the lobby, trying to decide where to go, she told me to leave my bag behind (because it was a little big and heavy, and she felt that it might “get in the way” as we interact with other people in the seminar) and we can just go back for it later on. I hesitated, but thought that it might be better not to be hindered by it later on if I needed to go around and mingle. 

So I left my bag (it’s a brown bag I actually have in real life) under one of the couches. There were many people nearby and we knew it was safe as long as they were there, because no one would take it. So, we went upstairs to the function room. 

There were rows of seats and I was a little surprised that it was a classroom setting, because I was expecting it to be more relaxed. So, we sat at the front row, and right in front of us were mini stoves and cooking counters. There were only a few people since most of them were hanging out at the lobby. 

After a while, a group of Japanese chefs marched in, and they all looked stern and serious, and I suddenly felt afraid of them. They were impatient and expected everyone to understand immediately what they were saying, even if their English was hard to understand. Later on, one of the chefs showed a dessert or soup, and I reacted, suddenly excited, because it looked so nice. He looked at me sharply because he got distracted, then asked me a question in Japanese, which I answered in Japanese too. He seemed to realize that we all do appreciate what they are teaching us, so his face softened a bit. 

After a while, the seminar was finished, and I ran into another Japanese guy who smiled at me, and then I said “Ohayou!” and he replied back, waving at me. I suddenly realized that I could understand all of them even if they spoke in Japanese, but it was more like I understood it on a different level, like I didn’t really understand the actual terms, but I knew what they meant.

Next scenario was a party wherein the food they served were the ones prepared by the chefs during the seminar. I was starting to think about my bag, and was worrying that it might get lost. I told my cousin that we should get it and she said it can wait. I told her my mobile phone and wallet were there, and I can’t afford to lose them. I knew she won’t be convinced, so I decided to go and get it myself. 

I then ran into another Japanese guy, and before I could say hi, he led me outside of the party hall and said we should take a walk. I said sure, but that I should get my bag first. He agreed, and then we went down to the lobby. Oddly, the entire hotel was closed, and the party people were the only ones left in the building. The entire lobby was dark. I worried that my things might be lost, but I found my bag. I carried it and we walked out the door.

Later on as we reached the busier parts of the street, he held my hand and I wanted to break free, but he held tightly and I realized that he has defined the walk as my agreement to be his girlfriend. I was getting confused because I knew I liked another Japanese guy, but his name kept fading and I would almost remember it but my mind wanders as I start to do so. 

In the next scenario, we were walking on a grassy park and he suddenly stopped dead so I did too. As I slowly turned my head towards him beside me, he gently squeezed my hand as if telling me not to move. Then I understood why - out of the corner of my eye, we were surrounded by killer ninjas. They were after him, but they would kill me too for being with him. Once again, he squeezed my hand and “reminded” me that I have powers too, and can get away, and that I will be able to deal with the one or two ninjas who choose to follow me. He assured me that he would deal with the rest surrounding him. So, slowly, I walked forward, and pushed myself off the ground, and started to jump-fly towards a nearby building, as one or two ninjas ran after me. My intention was to get inside the building and blend in with the people in it so that they can’t simply grab me and create a scene. 

Once inside, I found some previous workmates in some kind of party, and I felt so bored being around them that the everything started to fade. 

Trapped

Down a snowy slope, with a group of friends, though I don’t really recognize them from anywhere. Sometimes, a man (whom I shall call Zaraki-sama) would be there, but not quite. 

We came to the edge of a low cliff, and below, a troop of enemies marched. We were not supposed to be seen, so we held on with all our might to keep from falling. 

However, I was in front, and I fell. As I did, I tried to float, and instead I gently flew towards a group of banana trees nearby, near the mouth of the cave to where the troop marched. I tried my best to hide, but eventually, some enemies, who stood by to watch the troop, saw me. I was hoping my friends would come rescue me, but some also fell, and were caught. 

We were all brought through the cave. On the other side, was a dark snowy city. 

It was like a secret world, only to people that are like them. I’m not sure what was strange or different about them. Eveything looked pretty normal. In fact, the city was snowy yet very beautiful and the tiny lights gave life to everything. 

I ended up with one or two other friends (sometimes one, other time there’s two of them), and we were brought to a mall. It was past mall hours so one of the malls becomes some kind of headquarters where prisoners are looked after. 

I knew we were never going to get out. That even if we managed to leave the building, we would always be in the city. And the daylight was ages away. In the city, the nights were much, much longer. 

All the doors of the mall were automatic sliding doors. However, they won’t open for us. It only detects people from the city. I think they had something in them or wore a small gadget that made them detectable by the machine. But I knew it was one of the things that made them different. They are all part of this system and they live on it and feed on it, and are protected by it. I felt so alienated. 

After a while, I and my friend were allowed to be on our own, but still within the mall. We came to a door which won’t open for us, of course. I was starting to panic because I felt that we could be used for experiments, given that they are contiually developing their city by every means possible. 

Then we came to a series of sliding doors. Near each of them was an old lady who was either standing by or passing by. The first old lady looked at us and walked past the door, causing it to open, so we went through. Nobody noticed, so we realized we just might be able to escape, look for the cave, run through it, and come back to our own world. 

I looked back and saw that the old lady went back to the spot where she stood. It was like she just passed by to make the doors open for us, but she didn’t say anything so she would not be blamed. Then came a next door. Another woman, who looked pretty much the first one, was on her way out, so as the door opened, we followed her immediately. Just one more door and we were out in the streets. 

Another lady was standing nearby and we quickly apologized while gently dragging her towards the door, then running out as it opened. 

We couldn’t find the cave and were not sure where to look. The whole city is their world, and we have nowhere to go. Even the trees were not safe hiding places. They had detectors which can identify life forms hiding in trees. 

Then there was a huge black brick building. It was like the city hall, and there were people in front of it celebrating something. In a while, there would be fireworks.

We stood at the corner of the building. We realized that a tree stood right at the corner of it. We climbed. At the top of the tree, I looked up and saw that we might be able to hide ON TOP of the building, on its roof. I knew that people won’t look at the top of the building, and if we crouched low, no one would notice us. We can travel safely from there.

Suddenly, children were down below, playing. One of the girls, a skinny girl in a pink shirt, started climbing the wall. She was telling her friends that she will show off to her family (from among the crowd) that she can stand at the top of the building and not be scared.

My friend and i decided to get up really quickly, before the attention of the crowd was brought to us. Suddenly. I found loops of rope embedded in the bricks, which will make it easier for me to hold on to it as I climbed.

However, the girl was on the way and I had to wait for her to climb up. The children didn’t mind us being there, as long as they didn’t realize we were not one of them.

After she got up, she ran towards the center of the building to wave at her parents. My friend and I managed to quickly get to the roof and crouch. That way, even if they looked up, all they would see is the girl.

On the roof deck, we looked for some place to hide.

I saw a part of the roof, and I knew it was hollow inside, so we can hide in there until the event was over. The roof was made up of the glossy pages of a fashion and makeup magazine. If the wind blew too hard, it would fly off from our heads. 

I sat underneath, and my friend found a hole that lead to the kitchens. He was going to get food for the both of us. I decided to worry about bathroom and clothes later on. 

He was taking so long so I decided to follow. However, he was already seen by someone, and that someone ran to alert the others. He told me to climb up quickly and to stay under the roof no matter what. He will run off to some other place away from me, to distract them. Whether they catch him or not, I should just go on. He will lead them away from me so I can be safe. 

I sat under the magazine page roof and I think I cried. 

Suddenly, I was tired and sleepy. I didn’t know what was going to happen next. If before that, I knew things like people won’t look at the top of buildings and stuff, by that time, I didn’t know anymore. 

Just then, my friend came back, and he held a knife set. He was panting and he showed me the set. It was a cute pink container, and inside it were two knives. He told me that they knew where I was hiding anyway, so he decided to just come to me and we can try to escape, or just get caught together. But he didn’t want me caught. So he offered the knife to me. He said it would be better if we just killed each other at the same time. 

The offer came to me as such a sweet relief. I almost cried because of gratitude at his wonderful idea. I was exhausted, and knew I could no longer go on. 

We held a knife each. He held it towards me - I’m not sure if it was on my leg or my stomach (I was sitting on the floor) - and I held it to his neck. He was going to count. Just before he came to three, our other friend, the one which was vaguely there since the beginning, arrived. He was very calm and asked what we were doing and why. He was trying to say that the city people’s plans for us shouldn’t be so scary and that we should wait and see. 

My friend with the knife knew, and I knew because I read his mind, that this vague friend wanted to stop us because he wanted to give up my knife friend to the people, but was planning to save me and compromise with them so that they don’t take me and him, and instead just take my knife friend. 

Before he could take steps to come closer, my knife friend stabbed me on the leg. I knew instantly I was going to die of blood loss. I immediately started feeling weak. He gave me a look that said I should stab him on the neck already, and that I shouldn’t look if it pains me. 

As I pushed at the knife blade through his neck, I woke up. 

Cat and Dog

I was sitting down on a chair, and a guy I shall call Jobasha (as in the Argonian bookseller) was seated nearby. He has a big dog who was walking by, and then the dog approached me and was behind my chair. I was afraid of the dog so I didn’t dare look, and then I could feel the dog’s face right behind my neck. Suddenly, to our surprise, the dog started sniffing my back and was gently pushing me with his nose, affectionately. Occasionally he’d lick the skin on my back (I think I was wearing a halter top that would shift into a tee shirt). Jobasha laughed and said I’ve nothing to be afraid of, but I should still be careful because the dog might be too playful.

Later on, the dog was on my right side and was doing the same thing to my right hand. I looked towards Jobasha, who sat on my left, and said I am starting to be afraid again because he might bite my hand. Just then, he suddenly bit my hand, gently, yet he didn’t let go, and I could feel his teeth sinking deeper into my hand. I told Jobasha it is starting to hurt, and he said he can’t just pull the dog away because my hand might be more hurt. Then, he called the dog’s name, and the dog let go to look at him. Just then, Jobasha sprung forward to make the dog leave so he would no longer bite me, but suddenly, it was my sister’s cat sitting there when I looked, and it was him who bit me, even if the teethmarks belonged to the dog. Then the dog was just sitting nearby all along. Instinctively, Jobasha grabbed the cat and THREW him hard, that the cat flew to the wall, near the ceiling, hit the wall hard, and fell to the floor. He landed on his feet, but his hair was standing on end because it was very afraid of being thrown like that, and quite unused to being hurt by a human. It quickly ran under my chair, and then it was gone. I looked at my wound and showed it to Jobasha, saying it hurt really really bad, and we saw that my hand had a deep wound on the palm and one on the top of my hand. Skin barely covered the wound and I could see the bloody flesh beneath it. 

Later on, I was looking for the cat to hug it, to tell it that Jobasha was just trying to teach him a lesson, but that I will not hurt him, I saw him afterwards, his hair disheveled, and I wanted to hug him but he was distraught and tried to get away. I can’t remember if I was able to hug him. But the whole time, my hand hurt tertibly. 

Tantrums

We were living in a HUGE house. Shiny wooden floors, big, spacious rooms, wide staircases, walk-in closets, and long hallways. 

I was in one of the bedrooms, I think I was either napping or watching TV then falling asleep. Beside my bed is another bed. It was somebody else’s bedroom, but it was still our home. I think it was a spare bedroom for visiting relatives. At the far end of the room is another bed, and on it slept this tall curly-haired perfect-looking pretty girl. Across the bed where I was on was the door going to the bathroom. 

After a while, a guy I used date whom we shall call Mr. Crow came in. He said he wanted to take a nap and went beside me. In my head I was thinking that after all this time we have never kissed, at all. And then suddenly we kissed, very briefly. As we did so, I was thinking, isn’t it supposed to feel like something? Why don’t I feel anything at all? Then I decided it must be due to the fact that I’ve totally gone over him ages ago. So I said that must be it. I think he felt it and turned away, then gently tapped my chin or my lips with his finger and said something like I’m starting to kill with my tongue or with my words or something, but I don’t fully remember. Then he got up and said he had to go to the bathroom. Around the same time, the pretty girl woke up and was about to go to the bathroom as well. Mr. Crow went in, then asked her to come in as well, and she giggled and went in, and then he slammed the door. I could hear her laughing inside, and then I stormed out of the room. I was surprised to find myself feeling crushed and devastated. I decided to leave the house and shop and not come back for a long time. 

I stepped out, and realized I was in my jimjams, so I went back in. I went up the stairs, to my parents’ bedroom. Apparently they were not at home, doing rich-people stuff. I went to my mom’s closet or dresser and took out a spare wallet or purse and took her extra credit card. It was owned by both of them but I think it was named to one of them. I took it and changed into more proper clothes, and started going out. However, I suddenly had the feeling that I shouldn’t be caught by my parents that I’m running away, because it will fail to scare them. It was like briefly, it was them I was feeling hurt about instead of Mr. Crow. So I went back up and decided I should bring more stuff than just the credit card. 

So I sneaked back downstairs and the staircase became the one we had in our old home. I whispered to our helper to get me my wallet and my bag which is in the living room, then I mentioned I also needed a towel or a bathrobe, but I need my wallet and my bag first. Later on she came up and gave me a bathrobe or towel, and then I said she should just get me my bag and wallet, and to hurry. She finally gave them to me and I went back inside my parents’ room, which has now turned into the old bedroom in our old home. I was frantically stufifng things into my bag so I could leave. 

Then I heard the helper coming up, and she said someone came to see me. She said it was my sister, and that she assumed it’s okay if my sister found out about my plans, because I can tell her about them. But it was Pancakes (a charming girl friend I used to have, who turned out to be loony and so we’re not friends anymore) but she was my sister at the same time. I told her I was broken hearted or something and had to run away. But then my sister was also there suddenly and she was asking Pancakes how she is, and I could see that Pancakes was lying through her teeth about something (she does that on a regular basis). So anyway it was time for me to leave, and I sneaked out through the front gate, and I noticed that everything is its filthy rich environment again and the gate was so huge it was like the gates of some heaven. However, suddenly, my sister is joining me and she has invited our “samurai” friends so we can all go out of town and I can rant all I want and they can comfort me. When I stepped out into the wet (it had been raining) and wide and empty street, there were three silvery Porsche-like cars waiting, and I crouched behind them in case my parents arrived. The most convenient car to get into belonged to Toshirou, so I climbed in, and realized I was close to tears because I was reminded of my experience. 

My sister and rode in another car, I think she was with her boyfriend, and then other friends were in the other car. As we drove forward, Toshirou asked me what happened and told me to tell him everything because it was going to be a long ride. As it turns out, we were going to his rest house somewhere in the south. 

We stopped over at a coffee shop which he apparently owns. We decided to wait there because the other 2 cars were left behind. As the car slowed down, a woman was suddenly with us, and she was this annoying dense person who just decided to tag along and she kept talking to Toshirou, totally oblivious of the reason why we all went out of town and what Toshirou wanted me to talk about. I was patient and let her butt in because I was too tired to argue.

Inside the coffee shop, Toshirou sat across me and told me to continue with my story. However, the girl suddenly sat beside him and started talking to him. We let her be and then when she stopped, Toshirou asked me to continue. However. she tried getting his attention again because she didn’t like it when Toshirou ignored her. Finally, Toshirou shushed her because he was getting impatient and wanted to hear my story. The girl wouldn’t stop and tugged at his sleeve. Then I got so annoyed and stood up and banged on the table with my hands and stepped out. Toshirou ran after me and said I shouldnt be upset, and he knows she’s really annoying. The girl followed us and was watching if the show has been stolen from her. I think Toshirou asked her to leave us or get back inside because she just became insignificant. Toshirou was telling me he owns the place anyway so he can tell the people not to let her in or something. 

When my mood got better, we stayed outside, sitting by the door. I noticed a black dog nearby, and Toshirou started playing with him by pushing the door a little, hence pushing the dog who’s on the other side of it. He laughed a little then picked on something small and black from the dog’s face. It was dried skin coming off from the dog’s recovering wound. Then he gave it to the dog and told me to watch its reaction. The dog licked the small black skin, then realized it was his own, coming from his own wound, and then he began to wail, so loudly that my skin crawled. Apparently, it was a very bad thing for dogs to lick their own skin / scab because it was just as bad as a person eating his own intestines or something. I don’t remember much but it was like an abomination in dog-culture or something. I slightly reproached Toshirou and asked him never to do it again. 

Later on we stood by the side of the road, still in front of the cafe, and waited for the others. I asked him about me storming out of the cafe, and if I did any damage and he said I shouldn’t worry because he took care of everything. I asked if what he did is really allowed, and he said it’s something he does as extra service for friends he cares for. Then I hugged him and said he’s so nice and sweet, and I felt like he was almost my brother. He didn’t hug back and was a little embarassed because it turns out the people from the cafe were watching us. I felt their eyes on my back.

Pink Rose Rosary Beads

I was in a home library, which turns out to be our own home library. I was with the little wife (a girl I know in real life, who looks likes a little girl but is actually a mom and wife already) and we were looking for something. Then I realized we had to hurry, so I went to the inner part of the library where a low shelf with row of containers on it were, and I took a pink rosary for using. The rosary is a very pretty shade of pink, with each bead having a rose etching. The beads were shiny and huge. As I hurried out of the library with the little wife, I was telling her how pretty the rosary is and how the rose etchings would help me in my meditation as I feel them between my fingers. 

Something Cancer

I was holding a gaming device where a UMD-like thing of a popular game is inserted. The device looked like a small toy truck though. I was standing in line outside an arcade-like place where the online version of the game may be played and we can all fight against each other. Suddenly, I found this guy we shall call Mr. White Chicken and he was also going to play. I was so surprised to find him there because he just isn’t the type to spend time on such things. In the past, in real life, we had some sort of fling. He is much older than I am and treated me like a princess, but it all ended really badly. So in the gaming place, we were polite to each other and said our hi’s and hellos. Inside, I chose a station and I realized it was near his. Then, as an attendant prepared our stations for the game, Mr. White Chicken took my hand and pulled my chair towards him, and held my hand tightly, almost tenderly. He was just quiet for a while and took a deep breath. I felt that all this time he was never really upset with me but had always been fond of me. Finally he spoke and said he is dying of Melian? Mesian? Mecian? cancer, and he just wanted to tell me how much I have meant to him all this time. I felt sad, but only briefly, and decided not to dwell on it. I simply focused on the joy of knowing that he has had this affection for me all this time, when I thought he completely despised me.

A Strange Family

It was a long series of events, and I remember feeling like I’ve lost all hope about finding happiness in any possible or dreamed of relationship. Then I found two women, and one of them said she can give me to a family who lives in seclusion, and they are looking for a partner for their son, and she said she is sure I will not have anything to worry about anymore. She told me though, that if I get it, I should never try to get out or change my mind because they will hunt me down and kill me, for the son and his mom are very possessive people. For a moment I was scared, but then I decided that I’m not going anywhere anyway so might as well disappear into their secluded house. 

So, one of the women led me inside a normal looking house, then we came into a room with a big wooden dresser. She asked me to climb up and when I get to the top of it, I should push open the ceiling right above it, and I’ll be able to enter the home of the strange family. 

I had a hard time climbing up, because I only slightly opened each drawer and used them as steps. They were very easily broken though, and I kept falling back to the floor. I eventually managed to get up though, and I would myself in a dark place with several steps leading to different rooms. 

Next thing I remember, I was lead to some kind of receiving room which was connected to a dirty kitchen, and a lady assistant told me to wait. There were several other people waiting, but I realized they were there for “screening” if they would be good for anything. Later on, I discovered that those who have no use for the family were killed, and some body parts were preserved and piled horribly in one of the rooms. I remember seeing piles of lower jaws and pelvises and male private organs and gums and lungs and hearts, all dried up and still very red and shiny. I knew I was not going to be harmed in that way though, because there was an air of excitement which announced that there is finally a partner for the son. Suddenly, the woman who lead me inside told me not to mind if the son is a short man, and that I am slightly taller than he is. I thought of a midget, though I said to myself it can’t be that bad. Besides, I can always choose to die, or try to escape and die.

So finally, I was brought into a room, and it was the son’s room. It had thick floral rugs a polished walls, but the furniture inside were broken like the drawers I stepped on to get there, though apparently the son was using them as they are. Beds, couches, tables, and chairs all had shaky and almost destroyed legs, huge splinters sticking out of them. Suddenly, the son came, and he was really short, like he only reached up to my shoulders, but he looked scary as hell. He was pale and had slightly long straigh hair, with a mad look in his eyes. I wanted to run away immediately, but I was way inside the secluded home already, and told myself I want to see how things would go. As he closed the door behind him, I heard murmurs outside of excitement of how the son and I will get along. When we sat down to talk, his mother came in - she was a huge, fat, dressed up woman with short wavy blond hair, in a tight long floral dress. She looked at me and sized me up, then told the son to leave so that she and I can talk instead. Then we were suddenly in a huge study room with big dark shelves and big musty couches. She gave me some bags because she said she likes me for her son. She warned me though, not to want to get away, because I might have to pay for it in ways I can’t imagine, and I thought about the body parts. I learned somehow that they cut up the person alive and just let him or her bleed to death or die in pain. 

Later on she said she has to go somewhere and shop, and that she will buy me more things if I want them. I told her I didn’t anything as of the moment so she set off and said she will bring me back something I might like. Then I went to the bathroom which was a very huge but plain one, full of small green tiles, and I went to one side where the shower, a faucet, and a small basin was. Suddenly it became a public shower room for girls, and Ururu-chan was there, in a shirt and shorts, carrying some clothes for changing. She was so excited to see me and said that Hollow, Toshirou, and my sister were waiting outside. After we take a shower, we should go see them outside so we can go to dinner. 

I immediately found a way to get out, by going with them and acting like I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to leave.I decided to just see how things will turn out, because I realized I didn’t want to stay with the family because I felt trapped and like I would never see the outside world again, and the son was too scary, and the mom was too overpowering. And somehow, I knew that Toshirou would fight them off as best as he can, though it wasn’t anything romantic in nature. I just knew he’d fight because it was the right thing to do. So, later on, Ururu-chan I were stepping out, and then the mom came back. She saw us leaving the room, and she told me or us to come back again and visit often. It was like suddenly, I was free to go, though I know I was still being carefully watched, and I can’t even think about totally cutting off my ties from them. I could feel the tension growing in the house already as we stepped out, because the mom has given me bags which means I’m tied to them in some way, yet they will have to tell the son that I have chosen to live a free life, though not totally free. It was like, I was still tied to them, yet I was given the opportunity to step out with my friends, which totally makes the role of the son insignificant, as my supposed partner. So anyway, as I carefully stepped out with them, Ururu-chan found an object of some sort which she found very cute, and I whispered to her to put it back. I wanted to warn her because I knew that if they gave it to her, she would be tied to the family in some way too. However, she seemed not to hear me and expressed to the mom how cute the object was, then the mom said she can have it. She exclaimed her delight then continued to walk on, while I worried that someday we will both have to “pay our dues” to the family in the secluded house. I had so much in my mind. I wanted to talk to all of them about what was happening. but I knew there would be no time or opportunity for a long conversation as that, and that I might have to be back soon.I want to tell Toshirou so he can at least talk to them when I or we (Ururu chan and I) are back in the house, or he can plan how to get us out. My fear was quickly growing, and I woke up, my relief beyond words. 

A Very Long Hug

So there was some kind of company Christmas party, and different groups had special numbers. Oddly though, in the party, I saw people from other previous jobs too - a mix and match of people from all my other jobs, and the “current” company was my most recent one before my current one. And then the special numbers were not grouped by department. They were grouped by age - meaning, the youngest one involved kids, as in my niece was there, and I realized that some relatives of mine were also part of the party. Initially, I had to settle an issue between two guys, one of them was bullying the other. Later on, this guy we shall call Mr. Template (the ultimate template of all wanted men - handsome, filthy rich, smart, everything else a template ideal man should have) arrived, and he gave me a big hug. In reality, he is part of the last company I was part of, so it seemed normal he was there to watch the program. Just as the program was about begin, he found this huge cushioned chair and sat on it, and he asked me to sit with him - I sat on the same chair, between his knees, and then he leaned back with his (very) strong arms around me, so I had to lean back too and rest my head on his (superman) chest. (Lol) So the program was long, but it seemed to just fleet by, because all I could think of was great it felt (Lol) After a while I fell asleep because the show got boring, and I remember putting my hand on his arm which was still around me, and he too fell asleep. After a while, he was called to give an award or announce something so he stood up, so I had to stand up too. By then, I felt it was “too much” if I waited for him and continued to hang out with him, so I went to find some groups of people in my work level. Then I found this group of girls and they were asking me about how it felt being hugged by everyone’s desire (in reality, I don’t really fancy him because I am not into pretty boys or gorgeous template men) and I said I had to admit that it felt really nice. By that time, I was already getting over it and knew it was a fleeting moment, nothing to get hung up about. Suddenly, one of the girls said that I should feel much more elated than I look because they said they read my blog entry from the previous year when, when Mr. Teplate arrived at the party, he looked for me and kissed me in public, and I wrote about it. They said they knew I must have felt something more than what I show because I blogged about the kiss and the hug that night was pretty long. Upon remembering about the previous year’s kiss, I stopped and realized this must be something he might do every year, so I thought it strange to have that kind of “Christmas habit”. Before I could think further, I woke up to the reality of no one hugging me. Lol. The hug felt super super super real though. Haha. Who would have THUNK. Mr. Template of all people. A dream indeed.

Fire and Tears

I was working in my room and I had been working long. After I finished working on a long material, my computer exploded and started burning. I was devastated because I hadn’t backed up my work since I just finished it, and I knew I had no budget to buy a new computer. They had to pull me away from my room as I cried frantically. 

A Hug and A Secret Grin

Toushiro (see previous entry) and a group of friends were with me, and I was joking about his height, which he felt offended by later on, so I said sorry and gave him a hug, but it felt more like I was hugging a child. As I hugged him though, I saw in my head, or just simply knew, that he secretly grinned. I pulled away and his face was back to its sad expression, then I hugged again and he grinned again. I felt awkward then moved away. Lol.

A Book of Arguments

I was talking with my sister and I was laughing so hard about something. Then, a person I will call Toushiro came into the room, and pointed to an open, hardbound book. I’m not sure if he brought it with him or if it had been there all along. And then he strongly, yet kindly suggested, that I take a look at it. Then I realized he has been talking about a list of arguments about a political person or someone in authority, and they were listed down in that book. Then he said, I should go talk to a lawyer of that person’s opposition leader and discuss each point with him, and that I will make a good case or something. He said it will put me in a very good light and that I should do it soon, within the day if possible. I hesitated because I felt lazy to do it because it’s not something I find interesting. However the way he described it made so much sense that I turned to my sister and told her, I would like to, but I can’t argue with a lawyer about something I cannot sustain! I said that the points were good, but beyond them, I have nothing more to say because I don’t anything about politics. However in the end, I decided to go, and thought I’d just bring the entire book with me so I can check it for notes. My sister agreed and said she will join me, because she has to get or buy something after anyway. She said offices close at 5, and I said, it’s 4 pm, so we can make it. Toushiro was suddenly back and said it is 4 pm and we will make it right on time. 

This is also my nth dream recently which falls at any time from 4 to 5 pm, or those hours are mentioned. I can’t remember the others much, but it has always been sometime from 4 to 5 pm. What is it with 4 to 5 pm?

Missing Book 2

I was shifting from being myself to being some other person, and I was forcibly brought to a white room with desks and books and papers, and nothing was organized. Then I saw a guy I used to work for, someone who opened and now runs several internet cafes, and he approached me with his usual annoyed-with-me look.Then he said they (there were a few other people in the room I don’t recognize) won’t let me go until I’ve finished putting some picture cards in order. The images on the picture cards were based on a series of books, and the picture cards were all totally mixed up. I kind of panicked because I have never read the stupid book series so I had no idea how the picture cards are supposed to be ordered. They told me to start right away. So I turned my back on them and faced a long table with white table cloth on it. Then I realized that some books were there, and I saw 2 books with their covers showing 2 of the images from the picture cards. I realized that I just had to open the books and easily see how the order should be. I saw the books labeled “3rd” and “4th”. I didn’t show my excitement because they might give me more tasks to prevent me from getting away too soon. However, I realized that there were 3 books, and the other one is the 1st of the series. In place of the 2nd book was a small piece of paper rolled up unevenly, and I didn’t get to see what was inside but I know it said something about the 2nd book not being available. I felt disappointed, realizing I won’t be able to figure out the order of picture cards so easily.

Bloody Whites

There was a woman. Her hair was long and matted. She wore long rags. She was skinny and dirty and pale. She was screaming at us - me and a number of other people on that dark wet street. She was trying to say something but no one could understand her because she was just snarling and screaming. In her frustration, she screamed once more and made us look at her eyes. I realize they were all white, and then as we all looked at her eyes, she let her eyes roll back, so much that it bulged, and then thick red veins started to show on the whites, and she started slowly bleeding. The blood was making the red veins in her eyes thicker, and blood started coming out of her eyes in small trickles. I realize her face and rag-clothes also had dried blood on them, so I figured she must have been doing that often. Then she stepped toward a woman who looked like my mom, and as she lifted her bloody face to be better seen, she snarled loudly, scaring the woman, who cried because of fright. She was trying to scare all of us because she was frustrated that no one was moving nor could understand her. I was starting to be very afraid but I didn’t show it because I know she’d turn to me and for some reason I couldn’t move my feet.

Dad Chatter

My dad learned how to use Yahoo Messenger and got so addicted to it that whenever I stood up to leave my desk, he’d take my place and log on to his Yahoo account.

Left Over Feast

I was in a VERY VERY huge house, the kind that old rich families have, where everything is dark wood and all the decors are ornate and golden or silver. I was standing before a huge table where platters of pot roast, chicken, and other meat dishes were placed. They were left overs from the huge party of the previous night. It was morning. 

I felt hungry and thought I would like some of the food, but they were too rich and heavy to be eaten for breakfast, plus they were party left overs. I wanted something simpler and lighter, more breakfasty. I started walking towards a kitchen when a lady in maid’s black and white uniform came out, and told me to hurry. I realized I was one of the help of that rich household. I was told to bring the left over dishes to the kitchen so we can have them for breakfast, then she pointed at another table where freshly made delicious breakfast food was - toast, bacon, eggs, cheese, coffee, and juice. I thought to myself, that is what I want for breakfast, but being one of the help, I am only entitled to eat left overs. My meals are the meals of the household and its friends way after they have taken from them. I felt sad but resigned, and I wasn’t so hungry anymore. I just told myself I should get used to eating whatever is there even if I don’t feel like it.

Tiny Man-Eating Geisha

I was in a small tea room and I was the guest of a tiny geisha. She was dressed in a printed and colorful kimono, and she was about the size of a child. She was very pretty though I felt that she was really just a child acting like a grown-up. She was nice and sweet to me though our conversation only lasted a while, because after a few moments, she stood up and implied to me that she might not be able to attend to me anymore because she has one of her male visitors. She didn’t mind if I stayed, though. So I stayed on one side of the room and a man in his early senior years came in. He looked very wrinkly and like he lived a very shallow life. He sat across the tiny geisha and immediately, she came forward and hugged the man. The man was very surprised because I think they were supposed to go through the whole ritual of getting to know each other and flirting before they did anything else. As she hugged him, his face looked so surprised, but even more so when she suddenly pulled back and very quickly climbed over his shoulder and stood behind his head, each of her feet on each of his shoulders. Her hands were holding on to the man’s forehead so she won’t fall back. The man seemed lost and very confused, until the tiny geisha took in a deep breath, and when she did so, she opened her mouth really wide and acted like she was biting on the right side of the man’s head. She didn’t really bite him, though as she closed her mouth, a part of the man’s head had gone, and she spat out a tiny sphere of red blood, with a tiny clink as it came out of her lips. The man saw the red sphere of blood drop before him, though he hasn’t realized what it was. He was still wondering what she was doing up there. Then, she did it again, and again the clink of a small blood sphere. When he realized she was devouring him, he reached up for her and threw her to the floor, and started running to the door. But, she was fast and clung to his leg right away, climbing higher and disappearing under his robes. The next thing I know, he was on the floor, and there was a lot of blood. It was the first time he saw me, and then he frantically lifted his robes and showed me where his thingie was supposed to be. It was bitten off and what was left looked like a cut-off thin piece of loofah - where you can see the holes where they took out all the seeds of the fruit. It was sickening but I was transfixed, and I watched him as he picked up his underwear and cried on it, and then he laid on his side and was hugging himself, crying, saying it is so painful. I don’t remember where the tiny geisha went; if she disappeared or if she was just sitting where she was before, like everything was so normal.